Recently, I was watching DJ & producer Cray's mini-series on TikTok, titled Cuntology 101 💅🏾✨. A vibrant display of vintage video game consoles and limited-edition tech releases, her videos give a nostalgic view of some of the best systems the 2000s had to offer. Her impressive catalog includes releases such as the 2006 Emerson Spongebob television, 2009 Hannah Montana PSP, 2003 Bratz landline, and a classic 2004 hot pink Motorola Razr− her very own high school cellphone. With millions of views, Cuntology 101, serves as an open letter to corporations who charge a fortune for subpar systems and plain-looking products. We, as consumers, are hopelessly declaring how "they just don't make it as cunty as they used to" (and we'd be right to say so), but it has caused me to wonder− what exactly are we demanding?
I was inspired to relive some of the old memories of my past cellphones 📱. What started out as a fun project ended up being an embarrassing rabbit hole, as I uncovered the hard truth about my turn-of-the-century childhood: I had owned over 15 phones in just six short years− all before the age of 16. You see, I had a parent who worked in corporate for a very popular mobile phone company. After noticing that even the Mobile Phone Museum was missing some of the models I've owned, I was quickly second-guessing this nostalgic time in my life. It even made me question if a resurgence in this style of tech is what we'd want as everyday users. Recalling how the streaming culture ruined nostalgia for dedicated fans, I believe that audience members may think they know what they're looking for, but really there's a much deeper craving. Mayka Castellano and Melina Meimaridis explain this phenomenon in their essay on Netflix revivals by stating (1), "By transforming time into a returnable space, nostalgia allows individuals to relive moments from the past. It is a time management strategy in a context in which time seems increasingly elusive. In view of recent technological advances, this return has become apparently 'viable' and thus what began as an illness has developed into a profitable marketing resource, since 'selling a sweet image of the past brings big bucks.'" At an average of 2 and a half phones per year, I was practically an iPad kid 😵💫. Reviewing articles and old blog posts from the 2000s, people have been writing about society's rapid dependency on these devices for a long time, as well as the environmental and foreign crises resulting in these changes. Though this proved to me that I was not alone in my experience, it didn't exactly provide me with any comfort... but was nostalgia meant to be comforting?
Disclaimer: Trying to do this list in order, but I can't remember, so I'll be including announcement dates and do my best to remember when I owned what.
1. LG MigoVX1000
ANNOUNCED ca. 2005
My very first phone was the LG Migo when I was in about the 4th or 5th grade. The Migo, like the Cingular Firefly, was a cellphone that catered to children. The Tamagotchi-like device allowed 4 contact saves and an emergency button that automatically dialed 911. The phone did not have a camera, nor did it allow for text messaging, but it did come with a set of adorable stickers that I vividly remember decorating my phone with. This is a phone that I genuinely miss. Not only was it age-appropriate but the design was so cute. This phone also reminds me of a simpler time, when phones did what they were meant to do: make calls ( and not be handheld computers).
2. LG VX6100
ANNOUNCED ca. 2005
My second phone was a hand-me-down LG VX6100. I remember this being a very sturdy flip phone. The blue detailing and (optional) rainbow light that lit up when your phone rang were both nice touches. Did it drain your battery? Yes. Was it worth it? You know the vibes. This is actually one of my favorite phones. I was watching a YouTube video of all of the ringtones installed on this phone and I could probably write an entirely new post on that alone.
3. Motorola Krzr
ANNOUNCED July 2006
Successor to the popular Razr, the Motorola Krzr was a slimmer design that only came in Black, Blue, and Red. In hindsight, this phone felt like a late attempt to fit into a party that had already ended (both as a product release and as a consumer buy). Still a cute phone though and there's a few things that I prefer about this phone to the Razr. First, the front glass cover on this phone is so sleek. The lack of colors disappointed me at first glance, but on second thought, this phone just oozes hot older sibling vibes. Releasing this design in purple and lime green was not going to work this time and I get that. I think the only thing I wish they kept the same was the width.
4. LG enV VX9900
ANNOUNCED November 2006
My LG enV was my everything... and everyone else's, too. Literally, all of my friends and I had one of these phones (in orange or olive) tucked into the back pockets of our jeans. I can vividly remember how loud the click of this phone's buttons were, as we furiously texted away. Sidekick users were no strangers to this, but this was my first phone with a full keyboard and you could write a saga on this thing. As far as design goes, this also goes down as my #1. The rounded edges. The orange/grey color combination. The giant camera lens that makes the backside of the phone look like a 00s point-and-shoot camera. I'd do it all over again 100%.
5. LG VX9400
ANNOUNCED January 2007
This was a strange little phone. The screen would swivel to a horizontal layout, which became much more of a demand with more video, animation, and gaming being introduced to mobile devices. Though mobile Internet usage wasn't idle at this time, it wasn't impossible. Screens were often too small to accommodate most desktop web designs and mobile versions of websites weren't always prioritized, like they are today. Unfortunately, I think the fact that this phone is kind of ugly allowed it to almost slip my mind, but I do enjoy the vision behind it. Had they made the whole device silver or the keyboard black− to match the rest− it probably would have gone down in my top 5.
6. LG Chocolate 2 VX8500
ANNOUNCED June 2007
I will forever think of Candyman by Christina Agulera because of this phone's top-notch marketing. This was truly a moment in time and this phone is still sexy. The slide-up was so smooth and this phone just felt so good in the hand. Like the Krzr, it had a glass front cover with touchpad buttons, but the adorable design allowed it to look good in both neutral and more vibrant (marketable) colors. I loved my red LG Chocolate Spin, but that light blue is so Baby Spice− I would've preferred that one much more today.
7. Samsung Juke
ANNOUNCED October 2007
I love going through "Ugliest Phones of the 00s" lists just to see if this one made it. I regret this phone the most. The Samsung Juke was so gimmicky and, though some of these lists tend to have some very cool phones featured, this one is ugly AF. It's a literal MP3 player and a lot of phones that came out during this time had similar flaws: "cute," but in no way practical. Additionally, looking back at how frequently we were cycling through these phones, it's more obvious why. Not only were we using these phones as fashion statements (which phase out over time), but they also weren't always made with everyday needs or convenience in mind. It's a "no" from me, dawg.
8. LG Voyager VX10000
ANNOUNCED November 2007
This phone was my first touchscreen, but that's the extent of anything good I have to say about it. The phone this model was based on (enV) is much cooler than this. This is such a strange follow-up to a successful and creative phone. It's also an unfortunate example that demonstrates how, even when phone companies made attempts to reinvent and reference their beloved designs, they still managed to flop. None of what's actually appreciated about the first phone seems to be taken to the next. Only the the general shape is maintained and they'll say it's the latest version of a phone that doesn't resemble the original in the slightest. Phone companies struggle with being able to come up with anything new and we romanticize this era, but it's clear they were scrambling. Some of these models are absurd and I'm okay with letting sleeping dogs lie. I think any attempts that they’d release to revisit this era would just be bad interpretations of a time we should have moved on from.
9. LG Venus VX8800
ANNOUNCED November 2007
After the vibrancy of the early and mid-00s had simmered down, and the 2010s approaching, phones coming out at this time were often black, rectangular, and ugly. I've marked this era The Curse of the Black Brick (not to be confused with the brick phone of the 80s). This is where the nostalgia dies out and reality sets in for me. Not only was I changing phones to satisfy a trend or novelty− I was bored. And apparently, so were the phone companies. This phone had two screens− one for the main screen and a touchpad below for the menu. God only knows why−it was fucking ugly.
10. LG enV 2 VX91004
ANNOUNCED March 2008
For some reason, I don't obsess over this phone the way I did when I had it, but I adored this phone at the time. Just like the first enV, me and all of my friends had one. I do wish it had come in more colors and I also prefer the design of the first enV, but this phone was still rather sexy for a pretty basic design. That being said, it's noticeable that what we knew as ‘the glory days' was on its way out. Aside from keeping the horizontal flip, this phone is nowhere near the first enV in terms of color or cool factor. I remember visiting the mall kiosks to pick a charm accessory to have to dangle from your phone, but that was the extent of my fun with this model.
11. Nokia 6205 Dark Knight Edition
ANNOUNCED ca. 2008
Cray's TikToks often cite how special edition technology isn't as interesting as it used to be, but you can see this already starting to fade at the time. I really don't know why I got this 2008 Dark Knight Nokia, other than remembering that I wanted a flip phone again because of the "old school novelty." It was 2008 and I wanted a flip phone because I found it nostalgic. Half of why that's funny is because this phone is so ugly. The only thing that makes it a Dark Knight phone is the bat-signal engraving on the back and the Bale-era wallpapers pre-loaded onto the device. Looking back, this phone looked like a half-baked attempt to get rid of some stock for a phone that was likely already being phased out. Big regret. This one's a flop-phone.
12. Motorola Droid
ANNOUNCED October 2009
The Droid was my very first phone to use the Android operating system, as well as being my first serious smartphone. This phone was smooth and sleek, with a wide touchscreen display and a full slide-up keyboard. I remember this phone vividly and it was seriously impressive. For my first handheld computer, this was certainly the way to go. The battle between blue and green bubbles had already begun, but I was team Android all the way.
13. Motorola Droid X
ANNOUNCED June 2010
Nothing exciting to say here, except that this was my first full touchscreen smartphone. I was still rockin' with Android and I should have continued that trend. Unfortunately, curiosity got the best of me. I was aware that the novelty of trying cool phone designs was wearing off, but there were still a few stones that I couldn't leave unturned...
14. BlackBerry Bold 9900
ANNOUNCED May 2011
I think we hold onto the feeling that Blackberry phones gave us and assume we're helpless without an aesthetically pleasing phone to match that hustler mindset. Having one of these did make you feel like you had it all together, but that's just good marketing. We always saw Blackberry phones in the hands of A-list celebrities or their frazzled assistants– associating the device with productivity and a good work ethic. How could anyone survive without their Blackberry? It was as if their entire life was loaded onto it. As cute as the Blackberry was, I don't think their design was any more practical than other phones or operating systems– just branding. That being said, this one still goes down in my top 5.
15. iPhone 4S
ANNOUNCED October 2011
So here we are... I'm stopping here because it doesn't get any more interesting from this point on. This is where it started and ended for me. My first iPhone (which I got only to satisfy a trend) and unfortunately, I've never gone back. Before I start tearing the iPhone to shreds (because these phones are going out sad), I will say... At a time when phones started to become boring and developing The Curse, the iPhone was a breath of fresh air. I have wanted to go back to Android or a Google phone, but I've been using iCloud for over 10 years and I'm scared to go back at this point. It sounds pathetic putting it that way, but it's true. Perhaps if companies were more focused on improving technology, rather than pumping out products, new phone releases would be more enjoyable.
I think the most embarrassing part about this is how oblivious I was. I boasted about how often I got new phones. It was a joke I had with friends, but now I'm horrified at the possibility of there being even more I've yet to think of. I only just remembered about five of these phones last week, so who knows how many I really owned. Societal attachment to cellphones and the Internet is so deeply embedded in our daily culture that we don't have to think about it anymore– it's decided for you. 🌐 Xavier Carbonell, Ursula Oberst, & Marta Beranuy elaborate on this by explaining that (2) "... leisure activities and social values, high-impact, but short-lived emotions seem to be more valued than deeply felt and long-lasting sentiments. The new technologies and especially cell phones with texting are perfect channels for expressing these types of emotions... They are more addictive than deeper feelings, for the same reason that gambling is addictive: its quick, but not always contingent recompense." This can be dangerous, as people will latch onto the Internet for different reasons− driven by anything from interests to insecurities. What's interesting is when individuals who rely on the Internet to be their digital soapbox feel as though they're being compelled to publicly pass judgment 📣, yet are blind to all they have in common with the critiques they proudly announce (and this goes for me as well).
I think rather than sitting in bed all day soaking in the blue light, it's worth it to take a book from Nickelodeon's Day of Play and step out into the sunlight every once in a while 🌱. Perhaps even putting one foot in front of the other. I tried it recently, and sometimes I think that we forget that we're free to do so and what a privilege it is. If you're interested in learning ways you can be sustainable while using technology, consider buying second-hand and upgrading less frequently (this goes for fashion, phones, computers, cameras, audio, etc.). I also highly recommend doing your research on the travesties that have been inflicted on the Congo for the last 30+ years. I don't want to say too little, but I also don't want to say too much because I'm still learning myself. I've collected some good starting points that I've seen recommended by others. Adding these resources into your rotation, wherever you spend your time online, can help develop a stronger awareness and think more consciously about the technology we buy and where it comes from.
YouTube:
TikTok:
Joy | @juicebae
Pappy Orion | @pappyorion
Focus Congo | @focuscongo
Donations:
Read Our Sources:
Castellano, M.; Meimaridis, M. (2019). “Weaponizing Nostalgia”: Netflix, Revivals and Brazilian Fans of Gilmore Girls.
Carbonell, X.; Oberst, U.; Beranuy, M. (2013). The Cell Phone in the Twenty-First Century: A Risk for Addiction or a Necessary Tool?. Principles of Addiction. 901-909. 10.1016/B978-0-12-398336-7.00091-7.
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